The Quote:
"You just want to get your ass kicked don't you?"
The Back Story:
I was looking through an old photo album, pictures of my grandmother and them, and came across a picture with a rebel flag hanging in the background. It's not all the surprising, there's still a rebel flag hanging in my Mama's house today, but it got me to thinking about how it meant something a lot different to her and past generations of my family than it does now, or at least, different than what the majority associates with those who fly it. I asked her if why she didn't take it down seeing as how so many people associated it with racism and not freedom. She didn't have much to say on the subject, other than offering me a whupping. She's not ignorant or close minded, but my Mama'll be damned if someone is going to step on her liberty, that's what that flag means to her. I guess I'm kind of proud of that pride, she is my Mama after all...
Monday, March 11, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Why Him?
The Quote:
"It was such a nice wedding, and you were such a pretty bride, but did you have to marry him?"
The back story:
I married young, too young and too dumb. My mama had a lot to say about it before hand but the months leading up to the marriage she kept quiet about it. On my wedding day she was cheerful and just being herself. It wasn't until the end of the night, right before I we were leaving that she dropped this line on me. She was right of course, Mama's usually are...
"It was such a nice wedding, and you were such a pretty bride, but did you have to marry him?"
The back story:
I married young, too young and too dumb. My mama had a lot to say about it before hand but the months leading up to the marriage she kept quiet about it. On my wedding day she was cheerful and just being herself. It wasn't until the end of the night, right before I we were leaving that she dropped this line on me. She was right of course, Mama's usually are...
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Like it's your job
The Quote:
"Honey, I was thinking, I need you to start getting a little more serious about dating. I want you to get out there on the market and find boys like it's your job."
The Back Story:
My Mama works as a substitute teacher at the local high school and the students have been teaching her some new phrases. This isn't the first time she's told me to do something "like it was my job." But this one is so very thematic for her main goal, to have me settled and reproducing as soon as possible. She's just so datgum persistent.
"Honey, I was thinking, I need you to start getting a little more serious about dating. I want you to get out there on the market and find boys like it's your job."
The Back Story:
My Mama works as a substitute teacher at the local high school and the students have been teaching her some new phrases. This isn't the first time she's told me to do something "like it was my job." But this one is so very thematic for her main goal, to have me settled and reproducing as soon as possible. She's just so datgum persistent.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Roller Skating Whore
The quote:
"Are you a lady or are you a roller skating whore?"
The back story:
When I was a teenager I used to complain to Mama when a boy didn't text me or call me back right away. I had always been taught that a girl never calls or texts first and once I had mastered the patience to wait to have a boy reach out I didn't have much more wait in me. The first time she got irritated with my worrying over my phone my Mama told me she was just going to buy me a pair of roller skates and a net so that I could chase after boys more efficiently She also told me only whores chase boys, so I'd be a roller skate wearing, net wielding whore, but I'd still be her daughter. It was so ridiculously embarrassing, she loved it. Now, every time I start to worry about a boy not calling or second guess myself she just looks at me and says "stop being a roller skating whore." She's so supportive. That's my Mama.
"Are you a lady or are you a roller skating whore?"
The back story:
When I was a teenager I used to complain to Mama when a boy didn't text me or call me back right away. I had always been taught that a girl never calls or texts first and once I had mastered the patience to wait to have a boy reach out I didn't have much more wait in me. The first time she got irritated with my worrying over my phone my Mama told me she was just going to buy me a pair of roller skates and a net so that I could chase after boys more efficiently She also told me only whores chase boys, so I'd be a roller skate wearing, net wielding whore, but I'd still be her daughter. It was so ridiculously embarrassing, she loved it. Now, every time I start to worry about a boy not calling or second guess myself she just looks at me and says "stop being a roller skating whore." She's so supportive. That's my Mama.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Are You Pregnant?
The quote:
Me: "Mama! MAMA! I have a surprise! I need you to clear your schedule May 4th and 5th!"
Mama: "Oh thank goodness, why did you have to wait so long to tell me!"
Me: "...Wait, what?"
Mama: "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "...No, why would I tell you to clear your schedule for 2 days if I was pregnant?"
Mama: "I thought that was your due date... you know what, never mind, just tell me what you were going to tell me."
Me: "No, you thought I was 5 months pregnant and hadn't told you?!"
Mama: "You could've been hiding it well in all that hoodie you wear all time time, I don't know, just move on okay. Now what was the surprise."
Me: "... I'm taking you to the circus."
Mama: "That's wonderful sweetie, but next time you get so excited about something you had better be pregnant."
The back story:
I whole heart love Circ de Soliel and have been so so blessed to see 3 of their shows, my most recent (and favorite) experience was Totem on my birthday this past year. I took a close friend but when I originally told my Mama about my plans she seemed very disappointed she wasn't coming. I bought tickets to take her to see Quidam,I've got this whole fantastic 2 day trip out of town planned. Again, she's disappointed, this time because I'm not pregnant. We're not even going near the idea that she thinks I could be 5 months pregnant and not tell her. That's my Mama.
Me: "Mama! MAMA! I have a surprise! I need you to clear your schedule May 4th and 5th!"
Mama: "Oh thank goodness, why did you have to wait so long to tell me!"
Me: "...Wait, what?"
Mama: "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "...No, why would I tell you to clear your schedule for 2 days if I was pregnant?"
Mama: "I thought that was your due date... you know what, never mind, just tell me what you were going to tell me."
Me: "No, you thought I was 5 months pregnant and hadn't told you?!"
Mama: "You could've been hiding it well in all that hoodie you wear all time time, I don't know, just move on okay. Now what was the surprise."
Me: "... I'm taking you to the circus."
Mama: "That's wonderful sweetie, but next time you get so excited about something you had better be pregnant."
The back story:
I whole heart love Circ de Soliel and have been so so blessed to see 3 of their shows, my most recent (and favorite) experience was Totem on my birthday this past year. I took a close friend but when I originally told my Mama about my plans she seemed very disappointed she wasn't coming. I bought tickets to take her to see Quidam,I've got this whole fantastic 2 day trip out of town planned. Again, she's disappointed, this time because I'm not pregnant. We're not even going near the idea that she thinks I could be 5 months pregnant and not tell her. That's my Mama.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
A Real Bra
The quote:
"Wait, before you go, are you wearing a real bra?"
The back story:
I had a date and called my Mama before the date to get a little pep talk and catch up. She's surprisignly sweet when she wants to be, and really no one can make me feel quite as valuable as my Mama. She was satisfied with all the plans I had made for the evening but not exactly satisfied with my wardrobe choices.
Me: "Alright Mama, I'm gonna go, I still need to do my make-up.
Mama: "Are you dressed already?""
Me: "We're not doing anything special so I'm just wearing what I wore today."
Mama: "Are you wearing a real bra?"
Me: "...No Mama, but I don't want to be uncomfortable all night."
Mama: "Put on a real bra darlin', I don't care if it cuts of circulation to the entire upper half of your body, I will not have my child running around like a damn hippie."
Me: "...Yes Mama..."
Mama: "You'd better, I'll know."
She called me the next day to ask, it should be noted that I did change clothes. Mama said I had to.
"Wait, before you go, are you wearing a real bra?"
The back story:
I had a date and called my Mama before the date to get a little pep talk and catch up. She's surprisignly sweet when she wants to be, and really no one can make me feel quite as valuable as my Mama. She was satisfied with all the plans I had made for the evening but not exactly satisfied with my wardrobe choices.
Me: "Alright Mama, I'm gonna go, I still need to do my make-up.
Mama: "Are you dressed already?""
Me: "We're not doing anything special so I'm just wearing what I wore today."
Mama: "Are you wearing a real bra?"
Me: "...No Mama, but I don't want to be uncomfortable all night."
Mama: "Put on a real bra darlin', I don't care if it cuts of circulation to the entire upper half of your body, I will not have my child running around like a damn hippie."
Me: "...Yes Mama..."
Mama: "You'd better, I'll know."
She called me the next day to ask, it should be noted that I did change clothes. Mama said I had to.
Monday, February 4, 2013
We're Jewish!
The quote:
"We're Jewish?! That explains EVERYTHING."
The back story:
I was conceived through in vitro fertilization with an anonymous donor. I have no idea who my biological father is,and it should be noted,no desire to know who he is as a person, I just want his medical history. I had genetic testing done through 23&Me to determine what my genetic markers were. I highly recommend the site, they're not paying me or anything, I just think it's awesome. The thing about genetic testing is that to get information about your daddy, you gotta have a sample of daddy's DNA. I don't... Alas. But, it does trace all the way through your maternal line and I learned that I'm something like 17% Jewish(if that's even possible, I don't think it is, but I do have Jew blood.) When I told Mama the first thing she said was We're Jewish?! That explains Everything!" then in the same breath she said "Don't tell your grandmother!" My Grandmother is 86 and a little close minded, like steel trap rusted shut close minded, she'd be a little upset. So it's our secret. Habits and behaviors that were always just the way our family did it have become our "Jewish roots showing themselves."
"We're Jewish?! That explains EVERYTHING."
The back story:
I was conceived through in vitro fertilization with an anonymous donor. I have no idea who my biological father is,and it should be noted,no desire to know who he is as a person, I just want his medical history. I had genetic testing done through 23&Me to determine what my genetic markers were. I highly recommend the site, they're not paying me or anything, I just think it's awesome. The thing about genetic testing is that to get information about your daddy, you gotta have a sample of daddy's DNA. I don't... Alas. But, it does trace all the way through your maternal line and I learned that I'm something like 17% Jewish(if that's even possible, I don't think it is, but I do have Jew blood.) When I told Mama the first thing she said was We're Jewish?! That explains Everything!" then in the same breath she said "Don't tell your grandmother!" My Grandmother is 86 and a little close minded, like steel trap rusted shut close minded, she'd be a little upset. So it's our secret. Habits and behaviors that were always just the way our family did it have become our "Jewish roots showing themselves."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)